Today was a DAY, you guys.
I let Dexter out of my sight exactly twice. First time, I ducked into the kitchen to make some toast, and when I reentered the living room I found he’d broken our ottoman. Second time, I was prepping dinner and Dex was eating lunch and I thought we were safe, with him locked in his high chair, but no.
He spent his alone time carefully squeezing the juice out of every segment of the orange I lovingly peeled for him. Our house is now held together by sticky orange juice. It was everywhere.
At the grocery store, Dexter kept running off and grabbing things. I yanked a half dozen eggs out of his tiny hand as he was opening them and saying, “Oooh!” and a nice old lady took a glass jar of sauce from him, probably seconds before it shattered to the ground.
There were only three poopy diapers between them but somehow I touched poop forty times today and washed my hands that many times, as well. Dexter leaked a steady stream of snot, which I spent 40% of my time wiping. (I said, “Blow!” about 500 times.) Faced with one particularly alarming snot river, I had to set Theo onto the sofa then turn my back to grab the tissue and Dexter started yelling THEO NAP THEO NAP and when I turned around, the poor baby had slumped forward completely, his little face mashed against the sofa cushion and bearing a confused expression.
Speaking of Theo, he takes after his brother when it comes to fighting naps. He barely slept today, and yet was exhausted and miserable. All Theo wanted to do was listlessly nurse, which is frustrating and makes me sore, exhausted and miserable.
A plumber came to check a leak in our shower and for some reason, dismantled the toilet. (When I asked why, he said he was “just checking.”) Plumber dude left – without fixing the shower – and then I realized the toilet would no longer flush.
Dexter still runs back and forth across the sofa. He also took out most of his toys and tossed them around the living room. If our house is 90% held together by orange juice, the other 10% is stickers. They are everywhere. Theo spit up twice, both times enough to require an outfit change. Dexter learned how to say, “Theo has toe jam.”
Dinner was late. Dexter bounced off the walls. Theo cried. I tried not to cry.
When I went upstairs to get Dexter from his nap, I set Theo in his crib.
And Dexter wanted to give his little brother a hug.
Later, I propped Theo up next to Dexter on the sofa while Dex ate a snack, and Theo was so excited and proud.
And then Theo fell over.
But that’s not even the best part.
At one point, I was nursing the baby and trying to distract Dexter from his attempts to ski jump off of a wooden chair.
I made a fish face at him. Usually, he makes one back, but this time, he surprised me.
“I love you!”
It was the first time he’s ever said “I love you,” to anyone, without prompting.
I burst into tears.
I’m pretty sure Dexter is evil and on some level, knew he needed to pull a devious stunt like that to keep me from running away with the circus.
But I’ll take it. Best worst day I’ve ever had.