Dexter’s Daycare Gang

FPGang (3)In order to survive the mean streets of daycare, my one-year-old son has joined a gang.

They call them The Furniture Pushin’ Gang. The members are Dexter, Camden, Jaxon and Mary Lou. (Names slightly changed to shield the not-so-innocent.)

Jaxon: the muscle, with the chunkiest thighs on planet Earth.

Camden: just started walking, so he brings that to the table, plus he grows hair at a rate hereby unseen on a baby – 4 haircuts by the time he was 7 months old and still going strong.

Mary Lou: trouble. She started walking a while ago, creating the disconcerting image of the smallest baby I have ever seen walking around, and she’s pretty bored of daycare. Just strolls around on her tiny legs, looking for a pot to stir.

FPGang (2)Dexter:  the senior member of the group. He brings to the table wisdom and relentless enthusiasm for whatever is the task at hand.

The Furniture Pushin’ Gang likes to move cribs and chairs all around the daycare. When I came in today at lunch, they had a crib completely turned sideways and shoved up against the wall. The daycare has a step-down to a sunken floor area, padded and filled with toys. The FP Gang’s signature move is to team up and shove a crib down the step, laughing manically afterward.

If you see them coming, avoid eye contact and look the other way. Oh, and secure your furniture. They’re ruthless.



FPGang (1)
Dexter offers me protection, though. He has to, because I gave him life.

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